Monday, February 20, 2006

Dating books and stuff

A friend of mine has been raving about this book called How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. I have never reading one of these Christian date/don't-date books, but I'm going to read this one. The reason I don't read them is because every time I hear about one of them, I immediately disagree with what I hear. So I'm just skeptical of the whole genre.

But that's not why I bring it up. I have read a lot of articles on Christian dating/not-dating. There's one thing that just about all of them have in common, and I suspect this book does, too. The focus is the same in all of them. The focus is on you finding somebody worth having. The focus is never on you being somebody worth having.

Think about that for a minute. Not everybody is worth having, are they? Of course not. So what if everybody read the same book? Well, then you'd have a bunch of people not worth having reading the book. And they'd be out looking for people who are worth having. But if everybody is reading the book and following its advice, then those people who are not worth having are never going to find anybody. They'll be weeded out.

That brings me to something written on the cover of this book. It says, "Be Dating in Six Months or Your Money Back." The author, Henry Cloud, must be counting on the fact that not everybody is going to read this book. If everybody read and followed this book, then it would be impossible for everybody to be dating in six months. In fact, it would guarantee that a whole lot of people would never be dating at all.

I'm not bragging or anything, but I want to be honest about something. Usually when I read stuff like this--like what kind of person you would be looking for, and how to weed out the losers--I always look at myself. I always want to know if I'm worth keeping or if I'm the sort of person others ought to weed out.

Suppose we discover that we are not worth keeping. And let's be honest. No need to say, "Oh don't say that about yourself!" Let's be honest and admit that a lot of us are not worth keeping. If that weren't true, then we wouldn't need to weed anybody out, because everybody would be worth keeping. So some of us are not worth keeping. What should we do? Should we try to get people to keep us anyway? Should we even be reading books about How to Get a Date Worth Keeping?

4 Comments:

At 2/20/2006 9:46 AM , Blogger Jeff said...

Suppose we discover that we are not worth keeping....What should we do?

Great question. The fact that you have the humility and insight to ask it pretty much means that you aren't one of them.

I guess the right answer to this is: change yourself. Become someone worth keeping.

Then, once you are, go find someone else that's worth keeping...that means you can then read the book in question. :)

 
At 2/20/2006 12:26 PM , Blogger Kelly said...

I really like your thoughts here, Sam. I think it's the right attitude for everyone to have, whether they're married or single. Everyone always has room for improvement.

When I was in my teens I was a miserable person because I was never asked out. Then God revealed to me, if you can't be content and happy as a single person, then you'll never be content and happy in a marriage. And being happy/content means becoming a better Christian, in my mind.

I think the book you mentioned is sending a horrible message by guaranteeing a date in 6 months. What if it's God's will for that person to remain single for whatever reason? Horrible message.

Anyway, hope you get some useful insight out of that book.

 
At 2/20/2006 8:51 PM , Blogger Jeff Travis Henderson said...

Amen

 
At 2/21/2006 5:01 AM , Blogger ephphatha said...

The fact that you have the humility and insight to ask it pretty much means that you aren't one of them.

Or maybe it means that I suspect I am. Or maybe it means I'm afraid other people will think I am. Or maybe you're right. :-)

I guess the right answer to this is: change yourself. Become someone worth keeping.

I think all of these books ought to have at least one chapter on this. They ought to say something like this:

"Now think about this. This book advocates finding a particular kind of person--one who is worth having. So who is going to benefit from this book? Well, those who are worth having will benefit from this book, because they will now be much sought after as a result of people reading this book. If other people are also reading this book, then you stand to benefit from it if you turn out to be the sort of person this book advocates finding. Therefore, you ought to be worth having. Work on your own character first."

I think the book you mentioned is sending a horrible message by guaranteeing a date in 6 months.

I wonder if that blurb was meant to be taken seriously. I wonder how many people have asked for their money back. I've read almost half the book, though, I think his method (however much I disagree with it) is probably very effective.

 

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