A parody addressing those who deny logic
The reason I have this fixation in a lot of my blogs on logic is because I'm in the unfortunate situation of going to a college with only one philosophy teacher, and he doesn't put a high value on logic. He wastes a lot of our time by having us read a lot of irrational nonsense. In classroom and email discussions, I can never advance an argument without somebody taking issue with my use of logic. Consequently, I spend the majority of my time defending logic. You can't reason with people who don't believe in logic, so you have to settle the logic issue before you can argue about anything else.
One day last year, I was just really frustrated with having to defend logic against arguments such as, "You're just using western logic," and "Your use of western logic is biased and dogmatic," which aren't really arguments at all. In my frustration, I wrote this parody. A few people in the class found it entertaining, so I thought I'd post it on my blog. The reference to "speaking differently" comes from an article our teacher had us read by a couple of kooks who thought logic was a matter of personal preference, and they preferred to "speak differently."
A feller walked into the Wingate Inn, and we had the following conversation:
Feller: Hey, can I use your phone?
Sam: Yeah, just be sure to dial 9 to get an outside line.
The feller starts to dial the number, but then stops.
Feller: Did you say I had to dial a 9 to get an outside line?
Sam: No, you don’t have to dial 9. Just dial the number.
He tries to dial the number, but it doesn’t work.
Feller: The phone doesn’t work.
Sam: Did you dial 9 first?
Feller: No, you said I didn’t have to dial 9.
Sam: That’s right. You have to dial 9 first.
Feller: Then why did you just tell me I don’t have to dial 9 first?
Sam: Because you don’t.
Feller: Then why did you say that I do?
Sam: Because you do.
Feller: You're screwing with me.
Sam: Why do you say that?
Feller: Well, first you said I have to dial 9 to get an outside line, and
then you said I don’t have to dial 9 to get an outside line.
Sam: That’s right.
Feller: Well, you’re contradicting yourself. They can’t both be right.
Sam: Oh, you’re just using Western logic.
Feller: Listen, I either have to dial a 9 or I don’t.
Sam: Now you’re being biased and dogmatic.
Feller: You’re being crazy.
Sam: I’m only speaking differently.
Feller: You can say that again.
Sam: I’m not speaking differently.
In the end, “western logic” helped the feller figured out that he actually did have to dial a 9 to get an outside line, and that I was wrong all those times I told him he didn’t. Maybe the phone was being biased and dogmatic, too.